Resource · ~6 min read
Personal values.
In short
Personal values are the things that matter most to you about how you live, such as honesty, freedom, family, learning or security. Knowing them makes decisions and life transitions easier, because you have something steady to measure options against. You can find yours by looking at your best moments, noticing what frustrates you, narrowing to about five, and checking how your week lines up with them.
Rose Markotic · Anxiety Skills Coach
Rose’s path here runs through more than a decade of clinical training and practice — graduate training at Santa Clara University and years inside Dr. David Burns’ TEAM-CBT group at Stanford, the home of the measurement-driven framework.
What are personal values?
Values are different from goals. A goal is something you can tick off, like a new job; a value is a direction you keep moving in, like growth or kindness. When your life is out of line with your values, you can feel restless or empty even if things look fine from the outside.
How do you find your core values?
1. Look at your best moments
Recall two or three times you felt most alive, proud or at ease. What was important to you in each moment? Freedom, connection, learning, fairness? Write the words down.
2. Look at what makes you angry
Frustration often marks a value being crossed. What situations reliably annoy you? The opposite of what bothers you is often something you care about.
3. Narrow it to five
From your list, pick the five that feel most true. If you're torn, ask which you'd keep if you could only have three. These are your core values for now.
4. Check your week against them
Look at how you actually spent the last week. Which values got time, and which got none? Gaps between your values and your calendar often explain restlessness.
5. Use them to decide
When you face a choice, ask which option fits your core values better. Values don't make decisions easy, but they make them clearer.
Core values at work and in life changes
Many people meet the idea of core values through company mission statements, but your own values matter most at turning points: a move abroad, a career change, a breakup or retirement. See feeling lost in life and the midlife crisis.
When to see a licensed professional
If feeling out of step with your life comes with low mood that lasts for weeks, a loss of interest in most things, or thoughts of harming yourself, please see your GP or a licensed professional. Coaching teaches skills; it isn’t a substitute for clinical care. The crisis resources page lists 24-hour lines for the UK and across Europe.
Frequently asked
Common questions
- What are personal values?
- Personal values are what matter most to you about how you live, such as honesty, family, freedom, learning or security. Unlike goals, they're never finished; they're directions you keep moving in.
- How do I find my core values?
- Recall moments you felt most alive or proud and note what mattered in them, notice what reliably frustrates you, then narrow the list to the five that feel most true. Check how your week lines up with them.
- Why are personal values important?
- Because they give you something steady to measure choices against, especially during big changes. A gap between your values and how you spend your time often explains restlessness or dissatisfaction.
- Can a coach help me clarify my values?
- Yes. Values work is a common part of coaching, especially around transitions. Rose works online, in English, across the UK and Europe. The first 20-minute call is free.
Next step
Live by what matters to you.
Rose works online, in English, across the UK and Europe. A free 20-minute call sorts whether it fits.
Book your Discovery CallFree first step
What kind of stuck are you?
Free 3-minute assessment. Names your kind of stuck, then a week of practice emails.
What kind of stuck are you? →