Resource · ~6 min read
The midlife crisis.
In short
A midlife crisis is a period of questioning, often between the early forties and mid-fifties, marked by emptiness, restlessness or a recurring “is this it?”. It isn’t a breakdown; it’s a transition. What helps is naming the real question behind the unease, not making big decisions in a hurry, coming back to your own values and building the next chapter in small steps.
Rose Markotic · Anxiety Skills Coach
Rose’s path here runs through more than a decade of clinical training and practice — graduate training at Santa Clara University and years inside Dr. David Burns’ TEAM-CBT group at Stanford, the home of the measurement-driven framework.
What are the signs of a midlife crisis?
- —A feeling that you "should be further along" by now
- —A recurring "is this it?"
- —Restlessness, irritability or emptiness without a clear reason
- —Urges to make sudden changes: job, place, relationship
- —Children growing up, parents ageing, and you somewhere in between
Why does it happen now?
Midlife gathers a lot of change at once: children growing up or leaving, parents needing more care, a career that plateaus or wants a new direction, and a changing body. The roles that defined you for years start to shift, and it’s natural to wonder who you are without them. If your children have just left, see empty nest syndrome. The earlier version of the same question is the quarter-life crisis.
If you’re also noticing poor sleep, hot flushes or sudden mood changes that may be linked to perimenopause, talk to your GP. That’s a medical question and deserves a medical answer.
How do you get through a midlife crisis?
1. Name the question, not just the feeling
Behind the restlessness there's usually a concrete question: who am I without the role I've had? What do I want from the next twenty years? Write it down. A question can be explored; vague unease just grows.
2. Don't make big decisions in a hurry
A midlife crisis often pushes for a dramatic exit. Before a big move, give yourself time and ask whether you're running from something or towards something. Small changes often reveal what you actually want.
3. Look at your values
What matters to you now, and what did you take on from other people? When your plans line up with values that are genuinely yours, the sense of emptiness usually loosens.
4. Catch the comparisons
"Everyone else has achieved more than me" is a thinking trap, not a fact. Notice when you're comparing, and come back to what matters to you rather than what other people display.
5. Build the next chapter in small steps
A course, a new circle of people, the project you've been putting off. Identity doesn't change by decision; it changes through experience, gathered a little at a time.
Should you change career at 40 or 50?
Often the midlife question shows up at work first. A career change at 40 or 50 can be exactly right, but it works best as an answer to a clear question rather than an escape from a vague one. Before you resign, test the idea in small ways: a course, a side project, conversations with people already doing the work. For the practical side, use a careers adviser; for the “who am I now?” side, see starting over at 50.
When to see a licensed professional
If you’ve felt low for weeks, lost interest in most things, have strong anxiety or thoughts of harming yourself, please see your GP or a licensed professional. Coaching teaches skills; it isn’t a substitute for clinical care. The crisis resources page lists 24-hour lines for the UK and across Europe.
Frequently asked
Common questions
- What is a midlife crisis?
- A midlife crisis is a period of questioning identity, direction and meaning that often comes between the early forties and mid-fifties. It brings a sense of emptiness or restlessness and the question of whether this is it. It isn't an illness or a breakdown; it's a transition into the next chapter.
- How long does a midlife crisis last?
- There's no fixed length. For some people it lasts a few months, for others longer. It usually settles once the real question behind the restlessness is named and explored in small steps, rather than avoided or answered with a sudden decision.
- Do women have midlife crises?
- Yes, though it often looks different from the stereotype: less a dramatic gesture, more a quiet question about who you are now that your roles are changing. If physical changes come with it, talk to your GP.
- Can coaching help with a midlife crisis?
- Yes. Coaching helps you clarify your values, make considered decisions and build the next chapter step by step. Rose works online, in English, with women in midlife across the UK and Europe. Medical questions stay with your GP.
Next step
The next chapter, on purpose.
Rose works online, in English, with women in midlife across the UK and Europe. See midlife coaching, or book a free 20-minute call to see whether it fits.
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