Resource · ~6 min read
Perfectionism.
In short
Perfectionism is the belief that you’re only acceptable if you get everything right. Unlike high standards, it leaves no room for mistakes, so it often leads to putting things off, overworking and exhaustion. What helps is telling a flexible standard from a rigid rule, deciding in advance what “good enough” looks like, testing small deliberate mistakes and speaking to yourself more kindly.
Rose Markotic · Anxiety Skills Coach
Rose’s path here runs through more than a decade of clinical training and practice — graduate training at Santa Clara University and years inside Dr. David Burns’ TEAM-CBT group at Stanford, the home of the measurement-driven framework.
What are the signs of perfectionism?
- —Treating mistakes as proof you're not good enough
- —Putting tasks off because you can't do them perfectly
- —Struggling to delegate because "no one will do it properly"
- —Forgetting successes quickly and replaying one slip for days
- —Feeling that rest is something you have to earn
Is perfectionism a good thing?
High standards can be useful. Perfectionism is something different: it ties your worth to the result, so every task carries a threat. That’s why perfectionists tend either to do far too much or not to start at all, and both routes end in the same place, exhausted and still feeling it isn’t enough. See how to stop procrastinating and fear of failure. For a kinder way to hold high standards, see self-compassion.
How do you overcome perfectionism?
1. Tell a standard from a rule
High standards are flexible: you aim high and survive a miss. Perfectionism is a rigid rule full of "must", "never" and "always". Write down your musts and, for each one, ask what it actually costs you.
2. Define good enough in advance
Before you start, write down what a good-enough result looks like and how much time the task deserves. When you get there, stop. Most tasks don't need a hundred per cent.
3. Make a small mistake on purpose
Send the email without a third read-through, or leave one small thing untidy, and see what really happens. Small experiments like this often show that the consequences are smaller than you feared.
4. Catch all-or-nothing thinking
"If it isn't perfect, it's a failure" is a thinking trap. When you notice it, look for the middle ground: what's good about this result, and what could be better next time?
5. Talk to yourself like a friend
Would you say to a friend what you say to yourself after a mistake? Self-criticism rarely improves the result, and it almost always makes the next attempt feel more frightening.
When to see a licensed professional
If perfectionism comes with low mood that lasts for weeks, strong anxiety, repeated checking you can’t stop, problems with eating, or thoughts of harming yourself, please see your GP or a licensed professional. Coaching teaches skills; it isn’t a substitute for clinical care. The crisis resources page lists 24-hour lines for the UK and across Europe.
Frequently asked
Common questions
- What is perfectionism?
- Perfectionism is the belief that you're only acceptable if you get everything right. Unlike high standards, it leaves no room for mistakes and ties your worth to the result, so it often leads to procrastination, overworking and fear of failure.
- What is the difference between high standards and perfectionism?
- High standards are flexible: you aim high, learn from a miss and move on. Perfectionism is rigid: anything short of flawless counts as failure and says something about you. The first tends to improve performance; the second usually undermines it.
- How do I stop being a perfectionist?
- Write down your must rules and check what they cost you, decide in advance what good enough looks like, run small experiments with deliberate mistakes to see what actually happens, and speak to yourself the way you would to a friend.
- Can a coach help with perfectionism?
- Yes. Testing the rules, running small experiments and tracking what changes suit coaching well. Rose works online, in English, across the UK and Europe. The first 20-minute call is free.
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