Resource · ~6 min read
Low self-esteem.
In short
Self-esteem is how you value yourself as a person. When it’s low, you tend to judge yourself harshly, discount your achievements and feel you have to earn your place. It often starts with old experiences and is kept going by an inner critic that filters out good evidence. It improves when you notice that critic, check its claims fairly, collect everyday proof and treat yourself as someone who matters.
Rose Markotic · Anxiety Skills Coach
Rose’s path here runs through more than a decade of clinical training and practice — graduate training at Santa Clara University and years inside Dr. David Burns’ TEAM-CBT group at Stanford, the home of the measurement-driven framework.
What are the signs of low self-esteem?
- —Speaking about yourself harshly, in your head or out loud
- —Struggling to accept compliments
- —Putting other people's needs first, every time
- —Avoiding challenges in case you fail
- —Feeling you have to earn your place with others
What causes low self-esteem?
Low self-esteem often has roots in earlier experiences: harsh criticism, being compared with others, bullying, or feeling that love depended on performance. It can also dip after big changes, such as a breakup, a job loss or a move to a new country where nobody knows your history. Once it’s set, it keeps itself going by noticing failures and filtering out successes.
Self-esteem is different from confidence: confidence is trust in what you can do; self-esteem is how you value who you are. See how to be more confident.
How can I improve my self-esteem?
1. Notice the inner critic
Low self-esteem has a voice: "you're not good enough", "they'll see through you". Start by noticing when it speaks and writing down exactly what it says. You can't answer a voice you haven't heard.
2. Check the evidence fairly
For one self-critical thought, list the evidence for and against it, as a fair judge would. Low self-esteem filters out the evidence against; writing it down puts it back.
3. Use the friend test
Ask what you'd say to a friend who described themselves the way you just did. Then try saying a version of that to yourself.
4. Collect everyday proof
Each evening, write down three things you did, handled or contributed, however small. Over weeks, this builds a record the critic can't easily dismiss.
5. Act as if you mattered
Do one thing this week that someone who valued themselves would do: say no to something, ask for what you need, rest without earning it. Self-esteem grows from how you treat yourself, not just from how you think.
6. Drop one comparison
Low self-esteem feeds on comparing your inside with other people's outside. Notice when you do it and bring attention back to your own progress.
If the inner critic is relentless, see self-compassion and cognitive distortions.
When to see a licensed professional
If low self-esteem comes with low mood that lasts for weeks, feelings of worthlessness, problems with eating, or thoughts of harming yourself, please see your GP or a licensed professional. Coaching teaches skills; it isn’t a substitute for clinical care. The crisis resources page lists 24-hour lines for the UK and across Europe.
Frequently asked
Common questions
- What is low self-esteem?
- Low self-esteem means you value yourself poorly as a person. It often shows up as harsh self-talk, difficulty accepting compliments, always putting others first and avoiding challenges in case you fail.
- What causes low self-esteem?
- It often grows from earlier experiences such as harsh criticism, bullying or comparison, and can dip after big changes like a breakup or a move abroad. It's kept going by an inner critic that notices failures and filters out successes.
- How can I improve my self-esteem?
- Notice and write down what your inner critic says, check its claims against the evidence, ask what you'd say to a friend, collect three small pieces of proof each day, and act in ways that treat your needs as important.
- Can a coach help with low self-esteem?
- Yes, with the everyday side: answering the inner critic, building fairer evidence and practising new ways of treating yourself. Rose works online, in English, across the UK and Europe. If what you describe sounds like it needs a licensed professional, she'll say so on the free first call.
Next step
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