Resource · ~6 min read
How to stop comparing yourself.
In short
Comparing yourself with others is natural, but constant comparison leaves you feeling behind, because you’re measuring your whole life against other people’s best moments. You can loosen it by noticing when it happens, remembering you’re seeing a highlight reel, checking the thinking trap behind it, comparing with your own past instead, and cutting down the inputs that make it worse.
Rose Markotic · Anxiety Skills Coach
Rose’s path here runs through more than a decade of clinical training and practice — graduate training at Santa Clara University and years inside Dr. David Burns’ TEAM-CBT group at Stanford, the home of the measurement-driven framework.
Why do I compare myself to others?
Humans are wired to check where they stand in a group, so some comparison is automatic. Social media turns that up to full volume, showing a constant stream of other people’s best moments. It gets stronger at transition points too: a new job, a new city or a new country, where you don’t yet have your own track record to lean on.
How to stop comparing yourself to others
1. Catch the moment
Comparison is fast and automatic. Start by noticing when it happens: which person, which platform, which situation. Naming it, "I'm comparing again", slows it down.
2. Remember it's a highlight reel
You're comparing your whole life, including the bad days, with the edited best of someone else's. Ask what you're not seeing in their story.
3. Check the thinking trap
Comparison often uses mental filters: you notice what they have and you lack, and ignore the rest. Write down what you do have that you're filtering out.
4. Compare with your past self
Swap the yardstick. Ask how you're doing compared with a year ago, or with where you started. That comparison is fairer and more useful.
5. Curate your inputs
If certain accounts or situations reliably leave you feeling worse, mute them or spend less time there. You can choose what you expose yourself to.
Comparison often travels with other patterns; see imposter syndrome and low self-esteem.
When to see a licensed professional
If comparison comes with low mood that lasts for weeks, feelings of worthlessness, problems with eating or thoughts of harming yourself, please see your GP or a licensed professional. Coaching teaches skills; it isn’t a substitute for clinical care. The crisis resources page lists 24-hour lines for the UK and across Europe.
Frequently asked
Common questions
- How do I stop comparing myself to others?
- Notice when you're doing it, remind yourself you're seeing someone else's highlights, write down what you have that you're filtering out, compare yourself with your past self instead, and mute the inputs that reliably make you feel worse.
- Why do I always compare myself to others?
- Some comparison is built in, because we're social. It gets louder with social media, during transitions like a new job or a move, and when self-esteem is low.
- Is comparing yourself to others ever helpful?
- Occasionally, when it inspires you towards something you genuinely want. It stops helping when it leaves you feeling behind or worthless, which is when it's worth working on.
- Can a coach help with comparison?
- Yes, through catching the thinking traps behind comparison and building fairer ways to measure your progress. Rose works online, in English, across the UK and Europe. The first 20-minute call is free.
Next step
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