Resource · ~6 min read
Making friends as an adult.
In short
Making friends as an adult is harder than at school or university because there are fewer natural places to meet people repeatedly, and everyone is busy. Friendships still grow the same way: regular contact around shared interests, someone willing to suggest a plan, and patience. After a move abroad, the same steps apply, alongside language classes, expat groups and local clubs.
Rose Markotic · Anxiety Skills Coach
Rose’s path here runs through more than a decade of clinical training and practice — graduate training at Santa Clara University and years inside Dr. David Burns’ TEAM-CBT group at Stanford, the home of the measurement-driven framework.
Why is it so hard to make friends as an adult?
At school and university, friendship happens almost by accident: you see the same people every day. Adult life removes that. Work, family and routines fill the week, and many people already have established circles. It isn’t that adults don’t want new friends; it’s that nobody makes the first move.
How do you make friends as an adult?
1. Choose repetition over one-offs
Friendships grow from seeing the same people again and again. A weekly class, club, choir, sports team or volunteering shift beats a dozen one-off events.
2. Go where your interests are
Shared activity takes the pressure off conversation. Pick something you'd enjoy even if you made no friends there, and the people you meet will already have something in common with you.
3. Be the one who suggests a plan
Most adults are waiting for someone else to make the first move. Suggest a specific coffee or walk: "Do you fancy a coffee after class next week?" Specific invitations are easier to say yes to.
4. Follow up within a week
A good first conversation fades fast. Send a short message within a few days, and suggest a second meeting. Friendship is built in the follow-up.
5. Expect it to take time
Close friendships take many hours together to form. If it feels slow, that's normal, not a sign that people don't like you.
6. Catch the rejection story
A cancelled plan or slow reply can trigger "nobody wants to be my friend". That's overgeneralisation. Check the evidence, try again, and widen your circle so no single response carries too much weight.
How to make friends in a new city or country
After a move, combine local and international options: a language class, a sports club, a volunteering role and one expat or newcomers’ group. The first few months often feel lonely even when you’re doing everything right. See loneliness and building routines in a new country.
When to see a licensed professional
If fear of social situations stops you trying to meet people, or loneliness comes with low mood that lasts for weeks or thoughts of harming yourself, please see your GP or a licensed professional. Coaching teaches skills; it isn’t a substitute for clinical care. The crisis resources page lists 24-hour lines for the UK and across Europe.
Frequently asked
Common questions
- How do you make friends as an adult?
- Join something that meets regularly around an interest you enjoy, suggest specific plans rather than waiting to be invited, follow up within a week, and give it time. Friendships grow from repeated contact.
- Why is it harder to make friends as you get older?
- Because adult life has fewer places where you see the same people every day, everyone is busier, and many people already have established circles. Most adults would welcome new friends but wait for someone else to make the first move.
- How do I make friends after moving abroad?
- Combine a language class, a local club or volunteering, and one newcomers' or expat group, and keep turning up for a couple of months. Expect the first months to feel lonely; it usually eases as routines and repeated contact build.
- Can a coach help with making friends?
- Yes, with the confidence and thinking side: making the first move, handling the rejection story and building routines in a new place. Rose works online, in English, across the UK and Europe. The first 20-minute call is free.
Next step
Friendship, one plan at a time.
Rose works online, in English, across the UK and Europe. A free 20-minute call sorts whether it fits.
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