Resource · ~7 min read
Homesickness and culture shock.
In short
Homesickness is the longing for familiar people, places and routines after a move; culture shock is the strain of living where the unwritten rules are different. Both are common, often arrive months after the move rather than straight away, and usually ease. What helps is naming it without judging yourself, building routines early, keeping contact with home regular rather than constant, and finding one place to belong.
Rose Markotic · Anxiety Skills Coach
Rose’s path here runs through more than a decade of clinical training and practice — graduate training at Santa Clara University and years inside Dr. David Burns’ TEAM-CBT group at Stanford, the home of the measurement-driven framework.
What is homesickness?
Homesickness is the distress of being away from what’s familiar. It can show up as sadness, a heavy tiredness, irritability, trouble sleeping, or a constant pull to check what’s happening back home. Adults get it as much as students do, and it isn’t only about missing people: it’s also about missing the ease of knowing how everything works.
What is culture shock?
Culture shock is the strain of living somewhere the unwritten rules are different: how people queue, joke, make friends, disagree or get things done. Each difference is small, but together they keep you on alert all day, and that is tiring. It often follows a rough pattern:
- —Honeymoon. Everything is new and interesting; the differences feel charming.
- —Frustration. The novelty fades. Small things, such as queues, paperwork and being misunderstood, start to wear you down, and home looks better and better.
- —Adjustment. You learn how things work, build a few routines and people, and the place starts to feel less foreign.
- —Adaptation. You can live with both cultures, keeping what matters from home and taking what works from here.
Not everyone goes through every stage, and the order isn’t fixed. But knowing that a dip is normal, often somewhere between month three and month eighteen, makes it much less frightening when it comes.
How to deal with homesickness
1. Name it as homesickness, not failure
Homesickness is a sign that you had something worth missing. When it hits, call it what it is: "this is homesickness" is a far easier thought to carry than "I made a terrible mistake".
2. Build routines before you feel like it
Familiar people used to do much of your steadying. Routines can take over part of that job: the same café, the same walk, the same weekly class. Start them early, even when they feel pointless.
3. Keep home in a container
Contact with home helps, but constant scrolling of life back there can keep you living in two places at once. Schedule regular calls with the people who matter, rather than checking in all day.
4. Catch the comparisons
"Everything was better at home" is usually a highlight reel. Notice when you compare your hardest day here with your best memory of there, and ask what's actually true about both.
5. Find one thing to belong to
Belonging grows from repetition, not from a single big night out. Pick one group, club or volunteer role and keep turning up for a couple of months before judging it.
6. Bring a little of home with you
Cook the food, keep the ritual, celebrate the holiday. Holding on to parts of home isn't a refusal to adapt; it gives you a stable base to adapt from.
If homesickness comes with a lot of worry or loneliness, see anxiety after moving abroad and building routines in a new country. For loneliness on its own, see how to feel less alone.
Reverse culture shock: when going home feels strange
Reverse culture shock is the disorientation of returning home after years abroad. You’ve changed, home has moved on, and people may not be very curious about the life you lived elsewhere. It can be more unsettling than the original move because nobody expects it, including you. The same skills help: name it, build new routines rather than trying to slot back into old ones, and find people who have also lived abroad.
When to see a licensed professional
If low mood or anxiety lasts for weeks, stops you working or looking after yourself, or comes with panic or thoughts of harming yourself, please see a doctor where you live or a licensed professional. Coaching teaches skills; it isn’t a substitute for clinical care. The crisis resources page lists 24-hour lines for the UK and across Europe.
Frequently asked
Common questions
- How long does homesickness last?
- There's no fixed timeline. For many people it comes in waves, often peaking a few months after the move once the novelty fades, and easing as routines and connections build. Many people describe the first 12 to 18 months abroad as the hardest.
- How do you stop feeling homesick?
- You rarely stop it at once, but you can make it smaller. Name it as homesickness rather than failure, set up routines early, keep contact with home regular rather than constant, catch unfair comparisons, and keep turning up to one group or activity where you can belong.
- What is the difference between homesickness and culture shock?
- Homesickness is missing what you left: people, places and routines. Culture shock is the strain of the new place: different unwritten rules that keep you on alert. They often arrive together after a move abroad, and the same practical steps help with both.
- What is reverse culture shock?
- Reverse culture shock is the disorientation of returning home after living abroad. You've changed and home has moved on, so it can feel strange or lonely. It's common, often unexpected, and usually eases as you build new routines and connect with others who've lived abroad.
- Can a coach help with homesickness?
- Yes, with the everyday side: the worry, the comparisons, loneliness and rebuilding routines. Rose works online, in English, with people living abroad across Europe and the UK, and with people who've moved back. If what you describe sounds like it needs clinical care, she'll point you to your GP or a licensed professional.
Next step
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